Puppets. Filthy, stinking puppets. I’m not talking about any pansy-Pinocchio marionette nonsense. No, no, no, I’m talking about those freaky New York street puppets. Yeah, you know the ones I’m talking about, always singing and dancing and talking about sharing. What a joke. I’m telling you, they’re just slowly brainwashing our youth and waiting for their chance to slaughter us all. Thankfully, Puppet Wars FPS has caught onto their vile schemes, and they’ve outfitted us with plenty of firepower to get in some target practice before the puppet uprising.
A first-person shooter featuring puppets as the ravening hordes might strike you as a little unexpected, but the crazy premise seems to work, thanks to some very slick 3-D graphics. If you’ve ever wanted to plant a bullet between a puppet’s beady, lifeless eyes, now is your chance.
You play as a lone janitor, trapped on the obnoxiously perky set of the Happy Puppet Show. Unfortunately for you, the puppets are alive and insanely homicidal. Unfortunately for them, you’re more than prepared to blast them into fluttering shreds of charred felt.
Puppets launch themselves at you from every direction, and you can use the joystick to swivel into optimal blasting position and then start firing away. After each wave of puppet death, you can use your accumulated cash to upgrade and purchase weapons. While the puppets are basically look the same, a lot of thought and care has gone into making the weapons look appropriately realistic, inventive, and more than a little badass.
While the game looks great, it has a few problems, particularly with the control scheme. For lots of folks, the left analog stick to move and the right button to fire won’t be a problem, but if you’re left handed or prefer inverted controls, you’re out of luck. There’s also some issues with firing, especially in close quarters, where you’ll watch as projectiles happily fly through utterly unscathed puppets.
That said, it’s still a funny game. Those of you hoping to execute an army of Big Birds and Elmos, however, won’t get your wish, thanks to licensing issues, but it will scratch your itch for the absurd in the same way as Robot Unicorn Attack or the inimitable Enviro-Bear 2000. It’s not a Call of Duty replacement, but you’ll probably get a kick out of it all the same.
Here is a video demo of the Puppet Wars FPS app on the iPhone
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